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校对：星星草 ninigou 双语合并&校对&后期：Jappiter
库立吉学院创立于18多少年 Coolidge College was established in 18...
谁知道答案 新生入学手册里有提到过 Who knows this? It was in your freshman facts.
春季学期开学的第一天 The first day of spring semester.
又到了和爸妈说再见的时候了 A time to say good bye to the parents once again...
也是和新生说哈喽的时候 and say hello to a few new student bodies.
至于我嘛 As for me, well...
我喜欢按照往年的老传统 来开始一个新的学期 I like to start off each semester with a certain time honored tradition.
通过一种仪式 使我的 A ritual, if you will, that allows me...
"头"找对地方 to get my head in the right place.
留级之王
(Suk Mee = Suck Me = 男对女口交)
我承认 苏咪 是老了点儿 Okay, so Suk Mee's a little old...
但她就是这么棒 but she is just so damn good.
(Quick Job = Blow Job = 女对男口交)
她最擅长 速战速决 She's great with these quick jobs...
外加几十年积累的经验更是让人没得比 plus there is no substitute for decades of experience.
简直棒极了 That looks amazing.
太完美了 你是职业水准 That is perfect. You're a pro.
专家 A pro.
嗨 看着我 Look at me.
专家 Pro.
喔 老天 太棒了 谢谢你这么快就帮我搞定了 苏咪 Well, gosh, that was great. Thanks for the quick job there.
我二十分钟后来拿 I need these in 20 minutes.
超级棒 Super.
有人要跳楼啦 We've got a jumper!
等一下 小老弟 我知道你不会这么做的 Hold on, son. You don't want to do this.
我也不想来这儿 是他们逼我的 I didn't want to come here either. They made me come!
他们逼我的 They made me!
第一学期总是那么恐怖 对不对 提米 First year can be kind of scary, can't it, Timmy?
我的名字不是 My name's not...
但是你知道我在校七年学到了什么吗 But you know what I've learned in my seven years here at Coolidge...
提米 Timmy?
你不能把什么事都看作生死攸关那么严重 I've learned that you can't treat every situation as a life-and-death matter...
否则你死都死不过来 because you'll die a lot of times.
把它写下来 Write that down.
-我没有笔 -记住就行了 -I don't have a pen. -Well, remember that then.
还有你知道吗 提米 And you know something, Timmy?
跑到这里来跳楼 你也真够有种的 I think you've got the balls to make it here.
不管怎么说 Call me nuts...
我对你有信心 but I believe in you.
你瞧 提米 你不能老是被脑袋左右 You see, Timmy, you can't let this lead you all the time.
有时你得要听从心的指引 Sometimes you've gotta heed this.
我相信你是一个很有心的人 I think you've got a lot of heart in there, mister, don't you?
是不是 是不是 看看你的周遭 Don't you? I mean, look around you.
提米 Timmy?
干的好 范 谢谢 Great work, Van. Thanks!
要谨记我说的教条喔 提米 Remember my credo, Timmy.
别当傻瓜 留在学校吧 Don't be a fool. Stay in school.
天 我爱死这个地方了 God, I love this place.
-嗨 范 -嗨 范大哥 -Hey, Van. -Hey, Van the man.
我昨晚有打电话给你 范 I called you last night, Van.
我的名字是范·伟德 这里就是我的家 My name is Van Wilder, and this is my home...
库立吉学院 Coolidge College.
在校的 嗯 七年 转瞬即逝 The last, well, seven years have gone by way too fast.
学校给予我那么多 我却无以为报 This school's given me so much. I just can't seem to give enough back.
-那是范 -就是他 -That's Van. -That's him!
欧 我的天 Oh, my God!
-哇 -嗯 哇 -Wow. -Yeah. Wow.
我是杭廷顿高中有史以来第一名男性啦啦队长 I was the first-ever male cheerleader at Huntington High!
有史以来第一个喔 The first ever!
给我来个V 给我来个A Give me a V! Give me an A!
给我来个M 那个字怎么拼来着 Give me an N! What does it spell?
我看到一个犹太祭司 他正在进行包皮割礼 I see a rabbi, and he's performing a circumcision...
不过是割自己的 on himself though.
你会变得训练有素 You'll become disciplined.
你的心智可以被当作武器 Your mind will become a weapon.
对不起 你真的不符合我们的要求 I'm sorry. You really just don't fit the profile.
我们来玩个联想猜字的游戏 We're just gonna do a little bit of word association.
饼干 Cookies!
-我的名字是范 -我名字是泰利 -My name is Van. -Hi, my name is Terry.
那么 可以开始了么 Let's get it started then, shall we?
大结局 Big finish.
医护人员 Medic.
-如果同时雇佣我们两个人 -保证会让你爽翻天 -Having us both at the same time... -Will definitely lighten your load.
-我们的菊花随时恭候 -无论多大 -We will bend over backwards for you. -There's nothing too big...
-都没有问题 -没有什么我们应付不来的 -we can't handle. -And we mean nothing.
-我们会"全力以赴" -爽爆你整个学期 -We'll stay on top of you... -And ride you all semester.
基本上 我意思是 我们会"伺候"得你舒舒服服 Basically, we're saying we won't blow the job, Van.
附带问一句 会有出国公干的机会吗 By the way, can you tell me if there'll be any international travel?
我向上帝发誓 你让我感觉很不舒服 Seriously, I swear to God, I'm really uncomfortable now.
我想你该走了 It's time you should go.
没有一个合格的 Not one acceptable candidate.
现在的年轻人都怎么了 What is wrong with the youth of today?
因特网啦 伙计 The Internet, dude.
把他们的脑细胞都烤坏了 Fries their brain cells, man.
相信我 巨无霸 我们一定会找到适合的人选 It's cool, Colossus. We'll find somebody.
巨无霸 从我的衬衫上滚开 C-los, get your ass off my shirt.
我说 你真得把它给阉了啦 You really should have him neutered, man.
这事儿得由它来决定 That's up to him.
瞧 那两个玩意儿越来越大了 They are getting bigger, aren't they?
我来开 I'll get that.
又来了一个应征的 Looks like we got one more.
你叫什么名字 What's your name?
我叫 塔吉·马哈·巴达兰达巴 I'm Taj Mahal Badalandabad.
你从哪儿来 塔吉 Where are you from, Taj?
我是交换学生 来自印度的巴格朗 I'm an exchange student from Banglapur, India.
欢迎 能为你做些什么吗 Welcome. What can we do for you?
我这次的学习截止到这个学年末 My exchange program culminates at the end of this school year...
到时候就必须返回我的国家 我在那里也没有什么朋友 at which time I must return to my home country, where I do not have many friends.
我很希望能在剩下的日子里做你的助理 I would like very much to spend my remaining days here as your assistant.
好 我们来玩个联想猜字游戏 Okay. We're just gonna do a little word association.
告诉我你联想到的第一件事物 牛奶 Say the first thing that comes to your mind. Milk.
大咪咪 Tit!
噢 我的妈 Oh, Mommy.
大多数印度人会说牛 因为他们崇拜牛 Most Indians would say "cow" because they are sacred...
而我一听到牛奶 就会不由自主的想到大奶子 but I hear Milk, I think giant jugs.
你瞧 我必须在回国之前把这个处男身丢掉 You see, I cannot go home a virgin.
(Muff Diving = 男舔女未刮毛的小穴)
我来这里是为了学习伟大的美国式"舔穴"艺术 I came here to study the great American art of muff diving.
学习怎样打开"鲍鱼"吮吸毛毛的小穴 To smack clam, munch rug...
我要在粉红的"鲍鱼堆"里大快朵颐 dine at just one American pink taco stand.
嗯 我想要 该怎么说呢 和女人做爱 You know, I wanted to... how is it... park the porpoise.
我要让她用涂满香波的美发来帮我打手枪 I want to take it through the car wash, baby.
然后射她一身 我要射她一身 射她一身 And get it waxed. I want to wax it. Wax it!
完事儿后 再让她帮我舔干净 You know, and air dry.
把我的小家伙舔得干干净净 嗯 嗯 Air dry that shit, yeah.
那个 我真的非常希望成为你的助理 And I would like to be your assistant very much...
范·伟德先生 Mr. Van Wilder.
你需要一份我的课程表 用来作记录 You'll need a copy of my class schedule so you can take notes.
我的帐务也由你来管理 You'll also handle my finances.
每隔一个星期一 我都要去新生危机处理会讲习 I lecture at the freshman crisis group every other Monday.
我是拯救游泳队紧身比基尼活动的领头人 I'm spearheading the Save the Swim Team Speedo Spectacular...
这学期我还是反暴饮暴食啤酒肚打击团的团员 and the Bloated Belly Beer Bash to Battle Bulimia this semester.
这是病鬼的房间 没有哪个礼拜他是不生病的 This is Sick Boy's room. Not a week's gone by he hasn't had an ailment.
带状疱疹 肝炎 菜花 都是他自己的错 Shingles, hepatitis, crabs. That was his fault.
-面丸子汤 犹太盘尼西林 -谢谢你 范 -Matzo ball soup. Jewish penicillin. -Thanks, Van.
把它全吃了 咱们走 Don't pick at it. Moving on.
把7:15的延迟到8:15 把8:15的延迟到9:45 I'm moving my 7:15 to 8:15, my 8:15 to 9:45,
再把9:45的延迟到星期三 and my 9:45 till Wednesday.
你快艇还欠七万五千元 You owe $75,000 for the speed boat.
取消我下个礼拜在渥顿学校的演讲 Cancel my guest lecture at the Wharton School next week.
我现在很想去一个热带的地方 大溪地 记下来了吗 I feel like going somewhere tropical. Tahiti. Are you writing this down?
-是的 先生 -那匹纯种马你还欠二十万 -Yes, sir. -You owe $200,000 for the thoroughbred.
明天下午打完高尔夫球 我要去按摩 先预定 Schedule a massage after my golf game tomorrow afternoon.
-就这些了么 -没错 -With a happy ending? -Ah, yes.
您儿子需要三万九 用来缴下学期的学费和住宿费 And another $39,000 for your son's tuition and housing this semester.
学费 范还在学校 Tuition? Van is still in school?
他已经在那里呆了快10年了 For the better part of a decade.
"抑郁症:抗抑郁药真是最终解答吗" "饥荒:卢旺达危机" "Depression: Is Prozac really the answer?" "Famine: Crisis in Rwanda."
"学费追踪:我们的钱到底被花到了哪里" "Tracking Tuition: Where does our money really go?"
我们的葛芠·皮尔森小姐所写的每一篇报导都很精彩 Each article well-written and researched by our own Gwen Pearson...
但全都被学生评委会打了回来 and each article skipped over by the majority of the student body.
我不在乎 我不会去特意迎合他们的口味 I don't care. I won't pander to them.
"淡啤酒还是浓啤酒 终极对决" 由达利斯·格雷森编写 "Lite Beer vs. Dark... The Showdown" by Darius Grayson.
-就是那个 -赢得普立兹奖的达利斯·格雷森 -Is that the same... -Pulitzer-prize winning Darius Grayson.
他是咱们新闻系的毕业生 He was an alumnus of our journalism staff.
他在戒瘾所完成了自己的最佳作品 但据说至今还没出来 He wrote his best stuff in detox. Still does, I'm told.
我有一项很具挑战性的任务给你 I have got a very challenging assignment for you.
一份至今没人能够完成的报道 A story that nobody's been able to get.
-关于什么的 -不 不 不 是关于谁的 -About what? -No, no. It's about whom.
看起来不妙耶 It does not look good.
上半场已经结束 That's the end of the first half...
现在只有奇迹出现才能挽救奇克迪队的颓势了 and the Chickadees will need a miracle to come back and score.
先生 请离范的车子远一点 Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to step away from Van's vehicle.
伟德 Wilder!
谁允许他停在这里的 这是我的停车位 He's got no business parking there. That's my spot.
他们需要我 泰德 They need me, Ted.
我这辈子头一次庆幸自己是个聋子 This is the first time in my life I'm glad I'm deaf!
因为我听不见观众嘘你们 现在 给我听好了 I can't hear the boos! Now, listen up.
我只再说一遍 I'm only gonna go over this one more time.
他们换成区域防守的时候 In the event they switch to a zone defense...
我们就必须从边界突入 we must swing the ball around the perimeter.
这个篮球社是我们学院的关键 This ball club is the heart of this institution.
比赛赢了 我们就牛了 如果输了 就全玩儿完 You win, it beats. You lose, it breaks.
你可别临阵退缩 大个子 抢篮板就靠你了 You're not boxing out, Big Papa. You're my Windex man.
我要你把眼睛擦亮了 I want you shining glass.
昆丁 搞好你的防守 达瑞斯 We gotta D up out there. Darius.
我要你看好球 就像肥仔看到蛋糕一样 I want you all over that ball like a fat kid on a cupcake.
看什么看 苏锡 你的跑位次数也太少了 What are you looking at? Your mom said you left your legs at home.
看在上帝的份上 For God's sake!
我会为你们做任何事 I'd do anything for you guys...
比如说明晚的派对 which is why I'm throwing you a little soiree tomorrow night...
但前提是你们必须赢了这场球 but not without a W tonight.
想知道为什么吗 因为没人会为弱者欢呼喝彩 You want to know why? Nobody wants to celebrate a loss, guys.
伙计 你会邀请那些曼荷莲女子学院的炫美眉们来么 Hey, man, you gonna invite those freak honeys from Mt. Holyoke?
我已经请了 I already did.
她们说会尽量赶过来 如果没和斗牛士队球员鬼混的话 They said they'd try to make it if they weren't humping the Matadors.
-斗牛士队 -不是吧 -The Matadors? -What?
加油兄弟们 咱们得赢了这场球 Come on. We got a ball game to win.
是时候去踢牛屁股啦 Let's go kick some Matador tail...
你们到底有多想成为 How bad do you wanna be...
德耳塔兄弟会的成员 a Delta?
你们愿意走碎玻璃吗 Would you walk on broken glass?
让玻璃片刺入你的跟腱 Let the shards tear into your Achilles tendon...
从而患上软骨发育不全症 causing acute achondroplasia...
随着年龄的增长 还会间接的造成后天性侏儒症 which could lead to non-congenital dwarfism as you got older?
别用那些深奥的医学术语 简单点儿 够恐怖就行 Ease up on the medical terms. Just keep it simple and terrifying.
高登 世上没有几种比得后天性侏儒症更可怕的事了 Gordon, there are very few things more terrifying than non-congenital dwarfism.
嗨 理查德 准备好温习功课了吗 Hey, Richard. Ready to study?
葛芠妮 我说的是九点半 现在才有十分钟 Gwenny, I said 9:30. It's 9:20.
我正进行一项八十年代的教派活动 I'm in the middle of an 80-year tradition here.
完成身为会长的职责后我就会去 好不好 I will be up when I'm done with my presidential responsibilities.
好吧 我在楼上等你 Okay, I'll wait for you upstairs.
谁是我的白雪公主 Who's my alabaster princess?
是你 就是你 You are. You are.
大家别怕 只不过是玉米片 Relax, guys. They're just Doritos.
听好了 你们这群小杂种 Listen to me, you little fuck stains!
当我数到三 你们就得跳下来 否则永远剥夺入会资格 When I count to three, you will jump or be banished from this house forever!
一 二 One, two...
操 Fuck!
请问 范·伟德在哪里 Excuse me. Where can I find Van Wilder?
他的大名已经被载入吉尼斯"全球操屄纪录" In the Guiness Book of World-fucking-Records, man...
在"最能操的家伙"那章里 under "Raddest fucking dude alive"!
好 谢谢 Okay. Thanks.
这三间的其中一间里 老头儿 In any one of these three rooms, Gramps.
天那 我儿子是个同性恋 Sweet Joseph, my son's a fairy.
爸 你来这里干嘛 Dad, what are you doing here?
-还好 感谢上帝 -居然没穿睡衣 -Thank God. -No jammies.
-你太糗了 -不 不要 我的天 -Party foul. -No, don't... Oh, dear God.
给你个教训 Next time you'll know better.
七年了 还没拿到学位 这时间都够你毕业两次了 Seven years, and no degree. You should have graduated twice by now.
在这七年里 我做过很多事的 I've done a lot in seven years.
如果没有拿到博士学位 那只说明你努力得还不够 If you don't have your doctorate, you haven't done enough.
你已经浪费了太多自己时间和我的金钱 But you have wasted enough of your time and my money.
穿上裤子 我要你跟我回家 Pack up your panties, son, because we are headin' home.
我要跟我的朋友们待在这里 I'm staying here with my friends.
行 也许你的朋友们可以替你交学费 Fine. Maybe your friends can pay your tuition.
因为今天早上 我已经通知银行停付你这学期的学费 Because this morning I placed a stop payment on this semester's check.
抱歉 儿子 I'm sorry, son.
人的一生中难免会做出不明智的投资 Sometimes in life you have to realize a poor investment...
但要懂得及时收手 and cut your losses.
记下我的话 Write that down.
我需要多一点时间 I need more time.
一定会有解决办法的 There's got to be something that we can work out.
你身上那迷死人的香味儿是什么 多丽丝 What is that intoxicating scent you're wearing, Doris?
我养猫 I have cats.
喵喵 Meow!
或许可以让我延期缴交学费 Maybe you could put me on some sort of extension...
像是宽限条款什么的 program?
(Pay As Tou Go = 收到好处才同意发生性关系)
比方说 缴多少学多少 A little pay-as-you-go?
范·伟德先生 你是在勾引我吗 Mr. Van Wilder, are you trying to seduce me?
谁 我吗 没有 Who, me? No!
我说 这也许不是一个好主意 You know, maybe this isn't such a good idea.
女人不坏男人不爱 Being bad seldom is.
棒极了 Oh, yeah.
找到感觉了 That's the shit.
嗨 你猜怎样 我冷疮的老毛病又犯了 Guess what. I'm feeling a little cold sore coming on.
或许我们应该等个几个星期再做这事儿 Maybe we shouldn't do this for three to six weeks.
闭嘴 骚货 来吧别害羞 Shut up, bitch, and give me some sugar.
填好这个表格 用来申请延期缴纳学费 Fill this out. It's a standard payment plan extension form.
你的意思是 我们刚才不必 You mean, we didn't have to...
难道你不高兴我们已经做了吗 But aren't you glad we did?
你可以把它寄回去 或是亲自交付 You can either mail this in or drop it off.
干 宝贝 快干 Go, baby, go!
用寄的 Mail it in!
用寄的 用寄的 Mail it in! Mail it in.
范 你必须连续缴四个月每月缴五千元 Van, you must make four monthly payments of $5,000 each.
对不起 塔吉 我必须解雇你了 I'm sorry, Taj. I'm gonna have to let you go.
我再也付不起你薪水了 I don't have the resources to pay for your services anymore.
一个好的士兵绝不会弃他的将军于不顾 A good soldier does not leave his commander...
即使他受伤倒地 断胳膊断腿 just because he lies wounded, arms torn off at the sockets...
肚破肠开流个满地 还被大鸟衔来吃 intestines spilling out onto the mud, picked at by the birds.
我都会义无反顾的追随他 I will stay on at no charge.
好吧 Okay.
你现在到底还剩多少钱 Exactly how much money do you have?
-他只有34元了 -我晕 范 -He has only $34. -Damn, Van!
34元能干吗 What the hell you gonna do with $34, man?
恭喜啦 塔吉 你这辈子第一次被女人"吹" Congratulations, Taj! Your first blow job.
在我们国家 一个内行的女人所放出来的屁 In my country, a woman's mastery of her gastronomical releases...
就是最好的春药 is the ultimate aphrodisiac.
(Chili Con Carne = 男性吃完辣饭后在女性胸口上大便 然后再乳交)
黛丝蕊是最好的 Chili Con Carne 专家 Desiree is the foremost connoisseur of chili con carne...
(TA = Trance Addic = 性虐待执行方)
对角色扮演性虐待也很在行 and a TA at Coolidge.
(塔吉以为TA = Teaching Assistant = 助教)
真希望能有她这样的助教 I wish I had teachers like that.
就这样 漏点助教诞生了 And just like that, Topless Tutors was born.
X X...
等于 六 equals... six?
是滴 Yeah!
就知道你能行 We knew you could do it.
黛丝告诉我她的姐妹们 Desi told me how she and a few of her grad school pals...
也想做漏点助教赚点儿外快 could use some extra income.
塔吉证明了自己是一名优秀的会计师 Taj proved to be an excellent company accountant...
同时也是我们最宝贵的顾客 as well as our most valued client.
打扰一下 Excuse me.
我想找一名在校生的资料 他的名字是范·伟德 I'm looking for information on a current student here, Van Wilder.
这是大一的资料 我再拿其他的 Freshman year. I'll get the others.
-等等 还不只这些呀 -事实上 还有很多 -Wait. There are more of these? -Actually, there are many more.
范·伟德先生似乎直到大二的中期 It seems Mr. Wilder didn't quite come out of his shell...
才进入状态 until mid-sophomore year.
谢谢 Thanks.
就是这种红肿发热 又痒得不得了的感觉 It's like this itchy, rashy burning sensation.
很痛苦的 当我 And it hurts when I...
-跳舞的时候 -是尿尿啦 -Dance? -When I pee.
-你和带病的女人搞了 -我想是的 -You hooked up with a burner. -Yeah.
那个女孩儿看起来不错 还说那是她的第一次 She seemed like a nice girl, said it was her first time?
干事儿之前总得先搞清楚状况嘛 Always check the quality of the turf before you step onto the field.
听着 到学校的医院去 找一个叫斯德的人 Listen, go to the campus hospital, see Stu.
告诉他是我叫你去的 另外 别再干傻事了 拿上你的东西 Tell him Van sent you, and remember... Don't be a fool. Wrap your tool.
谢谢 范 太感谢了 Thanks, Van. Thanks a lot.
别谢我 谢谢盘尼西林吧 Don't thank me. Thank penicillin.
疯狂的小青年 早晚惹上艾滋 Crazy kids with their crazy VD.
-你就是范吧 -你好 -You must be Van. -Hi.
我是葛芠·皮尔森 解放导刊的特约撰稿人 I'm Gwen Pearson, staff writer for The Liberator.
好 我说 你要是还想继续使用你这旧提包的话 Okay, look, that old bag is stronger than she looks.
我在写一篇关于你的报导 I'm doing a human interest piece on you.
我受宠若惊 被你看上真是我的荣幸 I'm flattered. I'd love for your piece to be on me.
可惜我不接受访问 以前没有以后也不会 不过可以一起吃个饭 But sadly I don't do interviews. Never have, never will. I do lunch.
我的编辑确实提到这次的采访很具挑战性 My editor did say this would be a challenge.
范 我要和艾米莉第二次约会 Van, second date with Emily.
蓝色的 可以衬托出你的眼睛 Blue. Brings out your eyes.
那小子有一双勾魂的靓眼 就像你的一样 Kid's got killer eyes, not unlike yourself.
-难道以前没人告诉过你吗 -有哇 我男朋友 -Has anyone told you that before? -Yes, my boyfriend.
听说今年是你在校的第七年 Is it true that this is your seventh year at Coolidge?
算上前两个的话 是的 没错 Carry the two... Yes, that's correct.
你男朋友叫什么名字 也是这里的学生吗 So what's your boyfriend's name? Does he go to school here?
-他了解你 对你好吗 -这不关你的事 -Does he appreciate you? -That's none of your business.
知道吗 你说的没错 You know what? You're right.
他叫理查德 读医学预科 His name's Richard. He's premed.
范 你和游泳队约好了1:30 Van, you have a 1:30 with the swim team.
知道了 On it.
-你还有助理 -是的 -You have an assistant? -Yes, I do.
能告诉我一些从公开资料中找不到的 Is there anything you can tell me about yourself...
关于你的事么 that I haven't already found out from your public records?
我明晚会去四角楼 十点整 如何 I'll be at the quad tomorrow night at 10:00. Sound good?
-算是约会啰 -只是采访 不是约会 -It's a date. -It's an interview, not a date.
葛芠 首个约会 都是"采访" Gwen, first dates are interviews.
你今晚出去吗 You going out tonight?
罗柏会过来 我准备要结婚了 葛芠 Rob's coming over. I'm closing in on that diamond, Gwen.
一对俪人今天晚上就会敲定了 The dynamic duo will seal the deal tonight.
祝你好运喽 女士 Good luck, ladies.
有个人已经穿戴整齐 准备来帮我复习解剖学了 Somebody got awfully dressed up to quiz me on my anatomy midterm.
真的对不起 亲爱的 我忘得一干二净 I'm so sorry, baby. I totally forgot.
-我有个校刊的专访 -晚上十点钟 -I have an interview for the paper. -At 10:00 at night?
难道不能延后一下吗 葛芠 第一次考试是最重要的 Can't you postpone it? Gwen, first exam... most crucial.
晚点交稿没事吧 你又不是波士顿全球报的记者 It's not like you're on a deadline for the Boston Globe.
他只有现在有空 我一回来马上打电话给你 It's the only time he had available. I'll call you as soon as I get back.
再见 Bye.
他 He?
好哇 葛芠 你来得刚刚好 All right. Gwen, all right! You're just in time.
-把衣服脱了吧 -我才不要脱衣服 -Take your clothes off. -I'm not taking off my clothes.
这可是个裸体长跑呀 每个人都只穿出生时的衣服 It is the Naked Mile Run. Everybody else is in their birthday suit.
他算是个例外 Except that guy.
-我有几个问题想问你 -你问吧 这一定挺好玩的 -I have a few questions for you. -In time. This is gonna be fun.
你知道那个F打头三个字母的字吗 You know that three-letter word that starts with F?
你很热衷校园活动 也主持过很多活动 像是耶格运动会 So you're quite the campus man, heading events like the Jager Olympics.
嗯 是的 如果你不曾 Yes, well, you haven't lived...
把飞将军耶格的战机上扫射出一堆弹孔 那你就白活了 until you've shot putted blitzed on Jager.
-我有说错什么吗 -我今天真的不该来 -Heinie? -This was a really bad idea.
那我们要不要改个时间呀 Are we gonna reschedule or what?
谁才是大佬 Who's a big boy?
喔 天那 Oh, God!
这些足够把泰坦尼克号浮起来了 Those things could raise the Titanic.
你是范·伟德 You Van Wilder?
脱衣舞俱乐部的老板 对他的脱衣舞女郎已经失去兴趣 The strip club owner got tired of using his B squad...
所以他又找到我 让我为他的人妖团队出谋划策 so he came back for the starting lineup.
漏点助教算是没戏了 Topless Tutors was dead.
(身陷恒河之上却连个划船的竹桨都找不到)
我们现在真的是"叫天天不应 叫地地不灵"了 We are truly up the Ganges River without a bamboo oar.
下个学期的学费还少一千两百元 We're still $1,200 short of your next tuition payment.
塔吉 这个我早就知道了 烦恼就像是一张摇椅 Taj, I learned a long time ago that worrying is like a rocking chair.
你可以坐在上面摇来摇去 但仅此而已 It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere.
把它记下来 Write that down.
别紧张嘛 塔吉 我有办法 Don't even sweat it, Taj. I've got a plan.
-咱们去找女人 -好主意 -Let's go get fucked up. -Sounds good.
你只会想到这种事吗 Is that all you think about?
我承认 当初我来应征助理 I admit I applied for this job...
是因为我想会有机会让我的小宝贝爽一下 because I wanted to cut loose and shake my rump...
但是我认为参加派对是解决不了财务问题的 but I do not believe that this dilemma will be solved by partying.
需要帮忙吗 小老弟 Can I help you, son?
当然需要 伟德先生 I certainly hope so, Mr. Wilder.
我走投无路了 只有来找你 I come to you in desperation.
我叫帕诺斯·帕塔库斯 I'm Panos Patakos,
兰布达·欧米茄·欧米茄 兄弟会的现任会长 president of the Lambda Omega Omega fraternity.
我相信你一定对我们的 名声 有所耳闻 I'm sure you're aware of our... stigma.
嗯 你们的平均成绩在过去五十年里全校最高 Yeah, you guys have had the best GPA the last 50 years.
那是没错 但是不管你相信与否 Indeed, but believe it or not...
好成绩和 把到妞儿完全是两码事 the best GPA doesn't get you laid.
-应该很有用才对呀 -理解万岁 -Damn well should. -Amen.
这个月是我们兄弟会的75周年庆 This month marks our 75th anniversary.
我诚挚的请你来帮我们办一个派对 I am here to ask you to aid us in throwing a party...
一个能让我们骄傲的派对 a party we can be proud of...
一个真正会有人来参加的派对 a party people will actually show up to.
(范扭曲塔的原意)
我真的很想帮你 但问题是还有根竹桨插在我奶奶的小穴里 Gosh, I'd really love to help, but I have a bamboo oar stuck up my Gangees.
很恐怖的 It's very scary stuff.
我真的没有时间 I just don't have the time.
那你的时间值多少钱 How much is your time worth?
帕诺斯倒是提醒了我 Panos reminded me that I had one...
我有一项未被发掘的专长 very valuable skill I'd yet to tap...
没人能够质疑 我有开办超级派对的能力 my undeniable ability to throw one hell of a party.
我曾经命悬一线 但我还是想办法缴上了学费 I was hanging on by a thread, but I was still making tuition.
草莓 快去吃那个草莓 吃了有250点 The strawberry! Eat the strawberry! It's worth 250!
-我知道啦 -怎么老是把我当小孩儿看 -Don't you think I know that? -You treat me like a child.
我不喜你对我么跩 I don't like the way you condescend me.
-别这样对我 -实话实说 你还只是个小屁孩儿 -Don't do that! -Frankly, you're juvenile.
兄弟们 Guys.
我知道大嘴巴小姐的秘招喔 I know Ms. Pac Man's special.
她很风趣 也很可爱 她还会"吞下去"哩 She's fun. She's cute. She swallows.
但是咱们得相商量一下 But we gotta talk, guys.
靠过来 快 开小组会议了 Huddle up. Come on. Team meeting here.
牛仔 好的 Cowboy. All right.
当我看着你们的时候 知道我看到什么了吗 I look at you guys, and you know what I see?
成绩加起来有52000分 A collective GPA of 52,000?
是呀 不是啦 Yeah! No!
我看到了一群聚会狂 I see a bunch of party animals...
正以狩猎姿态 随时准备出击 crouched in attack position, ready to strike.
我说的没错吧 Am I right?
甚至没人知道我们在这里 No one even knows we're here.
你错了 我的朋友们 美眉们 Au contraire, mon freres. Girls!
让我来介绍谢莉和泰莉给你们 I'd like you to meet Sherri and Terri.
这两个美眉 对某种男人特别着迷 Two girls utterly infatuated...
这种男人有着非同寻常般巨大的 with men who have larger than normal...
(意指会读书 成绩好)
延髓 medulla oblongatas.
皮尔森小姐 送你一则内幕消息 Pearson, I got a hot news tip for you.
现在是星期五晚上 回家吧 It's Friday night. Get out of here.
我知道 我正在把关于安乐死的报导作最做后的整理 I know. I'm just doing some final revisions to this piece on euthanasia.
我拜读过 看完之后有想自杀的冲动 Oh, I read that. Made me want to kill myself.
开玩笑的啦 I'm kidding.
-关于伟德的报导怎么样了 -根本没东西报导 艾利特 -Where's my Wilder story? -There is no story, Elliot.
那家伙什么也不是 一心只想着把我的采访变成跟他的约会 The guy's a joke. He tries to turn every interview into a date.
一个好记者会不惜任何代价来完成一个报导 A good writer gets her story no matter what.
请务必把它搞定 他今晚开了个派对 Please get me the Wilder piece. He's throwing a big party tonight.
你应该去瞧瞧 You should be there.
-这真是把妞儿的大好时机 -是的 没错 -This is really a pimpin' good time. -Yes, it is.
瞧 是谁在和塔吉眉来眼去 她叫 娜奥美 Look who's checking out the Badalandabad. Her name's Naomi.
倒过来念就是"我会叫床" That's "I moan" backwards.
我帮你说了一大堆好话 I put in a good word for you.
嗨 塔吉 过来一起玩 Hey, Tajy. Let's boogie.
这些新会员真是太让我失望了 These are the most pathetic bunch of pledges.
是你选的耶 You picked 'em.
嗨 宝贝 Hey, babe.
-你怎么没有化妆 -我不能参加 晚上还有工作要做 -Why aren't you in costume? -I can't stay. I have to work tonight.
那你就错过了今年度最盛大的化妆舞会 You're gonna miss the biggest party of the year.
得走了 Well, I gotta go.
-我明天打电话给你 -什么嘛 -I'll call you tomorrow. -What?
这个舞会真过瘾 理查德 This party so rocks, Richard.
-这个舞会狗屁不是 洁妮 -随你说喽 -This party sucks rectum, Jeannie. -Okay.
大家都躲到哪儿去啦 Where the hell is everyone?
大家都玩疯了吧 这么快乐的时光 Mad props for this pimpin' good time...
都得感谢那些帅毙了的小伙子们 go out to those hung and handsome bad boys...
兰布达·欧米茄·欧米茄 兄弟会 of Lambda Omega Omega.
伙计们 谢谢啦 Thanks for the good time, fellas.
-我来帮你找双溜冰鞋 -我不是来溜冰的 -Let's get you some skates. -I'm not here to skate.
不知到为什么 我的编辑认定你值得大书特书 For some reason, my editor thinks you're a story.
那你认为呢 What do you think?
单就你的报导来说 我觉得 As a story, I think...
没有什么特别之处 you're a little soft.
哇 我还以为我在你心中不只是只软脚虾 Wow, all this time I thought I was more to you than just some flaccid story.
范 那边有状况 A dilemma has arose up front.
-不知道你到底有没有听懂我的话 -清清楚楚 伙计们 -Don't know if we got our point across. -Crystal clear, guys.
-这真的太棒了 -百分之百 不要离开啊 -This is incredible. -100 percent. Don't go anywhere.
说真的 范这家伙真不错 Seriously. Van is a godsend.
早知道他这么棒 我应该付他不止一千块才对 I would have paid him way more than a grand for this party.
我应该把手上的以色列政府债券也送给她 I would have cashed in my Israel bonds.
-个人尊严 怎样计价 -粉嫩木耳 又怎样计价 -How do you put a price on dignity? -How do you put a price on poonani?
-棒呀 -当然 -Yes! -Oh, God!
噢 我的天 太爽了 Oh, my God. Feel it!
哇 来讨糖果的 发生了什么事 Whoa. Trick or treat. What's going on?
这个像女人白带一样粘人的家伙 不让我们参加派对 This vaginal discharge won't let us partake in the party.
形容的好 Graphic.
我想再挤几个人进去也不成问题 对吧 I'm sure we can accommodate a few more, yeah?
不行 我们已经人满为患了 No can do. We're at maximum capacity.
-葛芠 你怎么会在这儿 -你们认识 -What are you doing here? -You two know each other?
她是我女朋友 屁股很翘的喔 That's my girlfriend, gluteous erecti.
-那你一定就是那个读预科的"老二"了 -嗯 就是我 -You must be premed Dick. -Yeah, that's right.
-这与你何关 -谢谢提供素材 -What's it to you? -Thanks for the story.
什么素材 What story?
棒极了 皮尔森 Brilliant, Pearson.
一堆人跟我说 I have been inundated with people telling me...
他们很喜欢你关于他的报导 how much they enjoy reading about this guy.
他们还要更多 我也要 我要你继续写下去 They want more, and so do I. I want you to do a follow-up.
你要的我已经给你了 艾利特 我不想再写了 I did your story, Elliot. I'm not doing another one.
即使把它刊登在毕业期刊的头版你也不干 Even if I tell you it's gonna be on the front page of the graduation issue in two months?
(Party Pimp = 对开办派对非常精通的人)
范·伟德是派对皮条客 And I quote, "Van Wilder is a party pimp."
我的老天 你能相信她写出这种东西 Sick Boy. Can you believe she wrote that?
这是范·伟德的手机 我看不出那有什么问题 Van Wilder's phone. I do not foresee that to be a problem.
那个跟她在一起家伙 我怎么看都配不上她 And that guy she's with... all kinds of wrong for her.
-病鬼 你还好吧 -范 带状泡疹已经好了 -Sick Boy, how are you doing? -Van, the shingles are all gone.
你上次给我的药膏真有效 That ointment really worked.
谢啦 Thanks.
哥们儿你酷毙了 Lookin' good there, buddy.
-他会再打电话给你 -难以置信 -He'll call you back. -Unbelievable.
这是范·伟德的号码 Van Wilder's phone.
-糟透了 -我想也是 -Terrible. -I think so. Yeah.
-等一下 -难以置信 -Hang on. -Unbelievable.
范的房间 周六晚上 嗯 Van's room. Saturday night, yeah.
那是 你怎么 从报纸上看到的 That's... How did you... From the paper?
好 没问题 好 谢了 Yeah, that's fine! Okay, thanks.
-没问题 敲定了 再见 -这篇报导 简直是 -No problem confirming. Bye. -This writing, it's just...
我想知道你可不可以 当面把我拒之门外 I was just wondering if you could... slam the door in my face.
范 你一定要听我说 Van, you must listen to me.
因为她那篇报导 现在所有人都想请你这个派对达人 Because of her article, everybody wants to have a party thrown by Van Wilder...
帮他们开办派对 the party liaison.
你的摇钱树就在门外 Your cash camel has arrived!
我们得谈一下 We need to talk.
这就是我为什么不喜欢接受采访 你害死我了 This is why I don't do interviews. You totally slammed me.
你们这些记者完全无视责任感的报导 You journalists and your irresponsible reporting.
我有记录到别人说 兰布达 兄弟会付你钱你才替他们办舞会 I recorded quotes that you got money from the Lambdas to throw them a party.
录到了 你到底什么来头 还搞窃听 Recorded? What are you, bugged?
和你说话前都要先搜身吗 Do I need to frisk you?
为什么我的报导对你影响这么大 Why is my story such a big deal to you?
因为我不想让别人知道是我办的那个派对 Because I didn't want the students to know I threw the party.
他们是付了我钱 但我不是纯粹为了钱才帮他们 They paid me, but that's not the only reason I did it.
兰布达 兄弟凭自己完全有能力办到的 人们需要多了解他们 Lambdas are cool in their own right. People just needed to realize it.
对不起 我不知道你是为了好心 I'm sorry. I didn't know you had a benevolent agenda.
每件事都是一体两面的 葛芠 There's two sides to every story, Gwen.
我现在有机会把报导刊登在校刊头版 I have a chance to make front page of the graduation issue...
这是千载难逢的好机会 which is a huge deal to me.
这次就算帮我好吗 Let me get the other side.
明天晚上我有一个派对 There's this function I'm hosting tomorrow night.
你要是愿意 就来吧 If you want... you could tag along.
-我一定会去的 -是个约会 -I'll be there. -It's a date.
只是个访问 It's an interview.
记住 今天的课题和影子有关 Remember, today's assignment is about shadow.
所以别太注重"细节" So don't get too hung up on detail.
大家准备好了吗 All right, everybody?
哇 老天 Oh, Lord!
这么多肌肉 我得换根粗点儿的笔了 So much sinew, I need a bigger pencil.
晚上八点半 好 就这样 8:30 p.m. Yeah, that's fine.
在校园里我声名远播 我的日程表上排满了待办的派对 Word spread around campus. My calendar was filled with parties to plan.
范·伟德 派对专家 由此诞生 Van Wilder, party liaison, was born.
在希勒尔厅的犹太礼拜上 我主持分食面包的仪式 At the Hillel House, I broke bread.
然后也是我 给大家带来了欢笑 And then I broke the boredom.
他们说我为他们做了件大好事 They said I did them a mitzvah. That's Yiddish for "good deed."
把它记下来 Write that down.
喔 还有 她也来了 Oh, yeah, she came too.
葛芠已经参加了两次他的派对 This is the second party of his she's gone to.
听起来事态严重 感到威胁了吗 Sounds serious. Threatened?
威胁 少来了 Threatened? Please.
我是兄弟会的会长 又是学生会的会长 I'm president of both my fraternity and the student government.
他连我屁眼儿的痒疹都比不上 He's nothing more than a mild rectal itch.
你知道屁眼儿得痒疹的时候 要怎么办吗 戈登 You know what you do about a mild rectal itch, Gordo?
-怎么办 理查德 -你就搔一下痒 -What's that, Richard? -You scratch it.
愈痒 你就愈会去搔 Then you scratch it some more.
你愈搔 它就愈痒 The more you scratch at it, the worse it gets...
搔到最后 你屁股只剩下一个 until finally you have nothing left but a raw, chafed...
光溜溜的 发炎红肿的大屁眼 possibly infected anal cavity.
那它就赢了 Then it's won.
其实一开始你只要用药棉纸 When all you had to do from the start was take a medicated pad...
擦一下就好了 and smother it.
大家注意 下星期期中考试 All right, people, midterm is next week.
要考五大项 Here you have your five categories...
商业和交易 诸如此类 commerce and trade, so forth and so on.
你在干嘛 What you doing?
我在上课呢 你知道的 那个5个字母组成的词 I'm in the middle of class. You know, that five-letter word.
我想我们可以花一点时间 I thought we could spend some time together...
一起研究一下怎么写你的报导 for the story.
我来把这个给你 I want you to have this.
-嗯 就这样 -谢谢大家 -Yeah. -And thank you.
最后 要记住的几件事 商业和交易 All right, things to remember... commerce and trade...
不要慌 大家有秩序地排队出去 Everybody just file out in an orderly fashion.
什么 快 上车 What? Come on. Hop in.
我才不坐这鬼玩意儿 I am not getting in that thing with you.
如果你想有话可写 就得坐上这鬼玩意儿 If you want the story, you'll get in this thing with me.
发生了什么事 大家都没事吧 What happened? Is everyone okay?
伟德 Wilder.
我们来这儿不会有麻烦吧 Are we gonna get in trouble for being in here?
没问题啦 这里的管理员欠我一个人情 他老婆是我给介绍的 It's cool. Equipment manager owes me a favor. I introduced him to his wife.
人的一生就是要去学习如何与人相处 葛芠 Life is all about developing relationships, Gwen.
我希望你会溜冰 I hope you can skate.
所以条件是 只要我能打进球 So the deal is, I score...
你就会跟我合作 回答所有的问题 you cooperate and answer all my questions?
-如果我进不了球 -咱们俩个共进晚餐 -I miss... -Dinner for two, me and you.
穿不穿衣服随你便 Clothing optional.
来吧 Come on!
我靠 Holy crap.
我兄弟是冰上曲棍球队的队员 My brothers play hockey...
漫游者队 for the Rangers.
我爸现在不再把我当作有利可图的投资对象了 My dad just didn't see me as a sound investment anymore.
但是早在我上大学前 他就抛弃了我和我妈 But he gave up on me and my mom long before I ever came here.
或许七年的学费 Maybe seven years of tuition...
是一个提醒他的好方法 说明你还在生他的气 is a good way to remind him that you're still angry.
你和那个读预科的理查德在一起多久了 So how long have you and premed Richard been together?
-从大一开始 -我猜他是个心眼小 而且处处计较的家伙 -Since my freshman year. -I bet he's a tighty whitey guy.
-你的意思是 -白色 有松紧性 紧贴着身体 -Excuse me? -White, elastic band, constrictive.
你可以从一个人穿的内裤看出他的个性 You can tell a lot about a person by the kind of drawers they wear.
比方说你吧 穿得一定是老太婆式的四角裤 Like you. Granny panties, I bet.
你是在影射我是一个普通没趣型的女生喽 Does that allude to me being the plain, boring type?
不 我只是想把它具体化 I just wanted a visual.
我认为 要真正认识一个人 I think it takes a lot more than the kind of underwear one wears...
不能只看他穿什么样的内裤 to define them as a person.
比方说 Like what?
像是他们的言行 Like their actions.
比如 大部分的人 For instance, most people...
都想赶快毕业 好出去做事赚钱 want to get out of school so they can make money.
然而你却想花钱继续留在学校里 You're trying to make money to stay in school.
-为什么 -我喜欢这里 -Why? -I like it here.
那你的未来呢 What about your future?
-你把人生看得太严肃了 -人生本来就很严肃 -You take life way too seriously. -Life is serious.
我的一个趴友曾经告诉我说 I used to party with this guy who once told me...
"如果你把人生看的太严肃 你就永远无法活着走出去" "Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out alive."
他曾为校刊写过稿 He used to write for the school paper.
他一直在淡啤酒和浓啤酒的差别上面大作文章 He kept babbling about the differences between light and dark beer.
非常奇怪 但是建议不错 Very strange, but good advice.
你为未来操心太多了 反倒有些忘记现在 You think about the future too much, you kinda forget about the present...
很明显 obviously.
我就很会享受当前的生活 就像现在 And I am really enjoying the present right now...
我和葛芠·皮尔森一起 坐在球员席上分享着加三倍奶精的咖啡 sharing a penalty box and a tri-latte with Gwen Pearson...
她相信审查制度的确立 其实就反映出这个社会对自己缺乏信心 who believes censorship reflects society's lack of confidence in itself.
你真的读过那篇文章 You actually read that article?
好了 你瞧 我是读过 但我绝对不会告诉其他人 Okay, look, I read the damn article, but don't tell anyone...
因为如果人家知道我看那种文章 那我的名誉 because if word gets out that I read, my reputation...
就彻底完了 shot to hell.
她很聪明 她很美丽 She's smart, she's beautiful...
她还会溜冰 she can skate.
她不适合你的 老弟 她有点神经兮兮的 She's not for you, dude. She's too high-strung.
还有哇 那些美女呀 Besides, babes that fine...
她们太自私了 they're way into themselves and shit.
过了这个周末 咱们就有足够的钱 After this weekend, we should have sufficient funds...
来支付你下两期的学费 to cover your next two payments.
我想说 这个女孩儿让我神魂颠倒 I mean, this girl is dynamite.
不幸的是 她居然和那个臭屁的预科生混在一起 Too bad she's dating Strapper John, MD.
-你在哪里找到的 -几天前 在你房间里 -Where did you find that? -In your room a few days ago.
我想把这个大麻烟管点着 可是怎么也不行 I'm trying to spark this bong, but this damn thing won't light.
那不是大麻烟管 那是给我老二用的 That's no bong! It's for my schlong!
等一下 Hold on.
你是说 我刚才把我的嘴放在你吸老二的管子上 You mean I put my mouth on your cock pump?
哇 垓死 Oh, damn!
我明天晚上约了 娜奥美 I have a date with Naomi tomorrow night...
我只是想能让她能够爽到 and I just wanted to bring my A game.
得了 塔吉 这可是我的专长啊 Taj, come on! That's what I'm here for, right?
现在 我来教你一个万无一失的方法 Now, follow my foolproof plan...
保证让你摇身一变成为情调王子 and I'm gonna help you put the bang in Banglapur.
你只需要三样最基本的东西 有香味的蜡烛 All you need are the three fundamentals... scented candles...
按摩油 massage oil...
还有巴利·怀特的情歌 and Barry White.
把它记下来 Write that down.
-嗨 不能用老二增大器 -不能用老二增大器 -Hey, no cock pump. -No cock pump.
巴利·怀特 Barry White.
-我去洗一下手 -喔 葛芠 -I'm gonna go wash my hands now. -Oh, Gwen!
你的大阴唇包着我肿胀的阴茎 感觉好舒服呀 Your labia feels so good around my swollen phallus.
我想我快要射了 I'm fairly confident I'm going to ejaculate.
现在就要把我的精液射在你的身体里面 I'm releasing my seminal fluids inside of you now!
你没事吧 Are you okay?
没 问这干嘛 Yeah. Why?
你没来高潮吗 Didn't you...
15秒钟 好像有点儿困难吧 It's kinda hard in 15 seconds.
我靠 Damn it!
你知道 我考试的压力很大 You know the kind of pressure I'm under with my exams.
-对不起 -不 是我对不起 -I'm sorry. -Look, I'm sorry.
这学期的成绩可以决定我们未来十年的命运 This semester's marks could determine the next ten years of our lives.
你有意识到这一点吗 Do you realize that?
知道吗 You know...
你不该这么严肃的对待人生 you shouldn't take life too seriously.
那样你就无法活着走出去 You'll never get out alive.
什么跟什么呀 What the hell is that supposed to mean?
我小组讨论要迟到了 I'm late for my study group.
她和我屁眼儿的痒疹愈混愈近了 She was getting awfully chummy with the rectal itch.
混蛋 给我滚 Son of a bitch. Disappear!
是 会长大人 Yes, superior leader, sir.
差不多是时候收拾掉那个可能癌变的肿瘤了 It's time to excise that cancerous lump.
管他干嘛 咱们把这儿弄个乱七八糟 Forget him. Let's crap in the chapter room
然后再让那些新会员来清理 and make the pledges clean it up.
-一定很好玩 -我还有事 戈登 -It'll be fun. -I wish I could, Gordo.
我要去葛芠家吃晚餐 I got dinner at Gwen's parents' house.
好像是个大事 伟德也会去吗 Sounds special. Is Wilder gonna be there?
嗨 你们好 嗨 理查德 Hey, guys. Hey, Richard.
今天有什么需要我帮忙的吗 Is there anything I can do for you today?
亲爱的范 Dear Van...
给你 塔吉 开始摇摆吧 Here you go, Taj. Get your rave on, man.
-谢谢 -不客气 -Thanks. -You got it.
"今晚见 葛芠" 邀请我去她家吃晚饭 "See you tonight. Gwen." The invite to the parents' house.
大事 这可是天大的事 This is big. This is very, very big.
-她不是有男友了吗 -那个坏事佬 -Doesn't she have a boyfriend? -Details.
我走了 塔吉 这里就交给你了 I'm off. Taj, you're in charge.
我不认为我有足够的能力来处理这么大的场面 I do not think I'm capable of handling such a responsibility.
听好 你知道我为什么选你做我的助理吗 Listen to me. Do you know why I chose you as my assistant?
因为你可以教我怎样搞女人 So you could teach me how to muff dive?
不是 嗯 也算是 但最重要的是 Well, yeah, but also...
因为你是个人才 because you have the potential to be great.
-需要帮忙吗 -你好 我是范 -May I help you? -Yeah, I'm Van...
范 你终于来啦 You made it.
艾芙琳 他是您女儿的一个校友 Evelyn, this is one of your daughter's acquaintances from school.
能让他加入我们吗 There's room for one more?
当然可以 请进来吧 By all means. Come in, please.
这几乎是不可能的 除非他们一致同意 Definitely be out of the question unless they all agreed with us...
然后我们再商量细节 and we talked it over.
对不起 先生们 Excuse me, gentlemen.
范 这是亨克医师 直肠病科 Van, this is Dr. Henke, proctologist.
哇 我的天 希望你现在没有在值外勤班 Oh, well, holy crap. I hope you're not on call tonight.
比佛门医师 妇产科 Dr. Beaverman, OB-GYN.
我是范·伟德 非常高兴能认识你 Van Wilder, G-L-A-D to meet you.
当然还有 葛芠的父亲 And of course, Gwen's father.
欧 看来我这次是九死一生了 I'm gonna go out on a limb here.
皮尔森医师 Dr. Pearson?
-是的 -真的是 好极了 -Indeed. -Indeed. Super.
好啦 所以说 我今晚来是检查身体的喽 All right. So... am I here for a physical?
我需要几杯鸡尾酒才能咳嗽 好让你们检查一下 'Cause I'm gonna need a few cocktails before I start coughing for you fellas.
-你怎么会在这里 -我也不知道 -What are you doing here? -I don't know.
不用 谢谢 No, thank you.
伟德先生是个非常特殊的大学生 Mr. Wilder here is quite the collegian.
他已经在学校呆了 是六年么 He's in his, what, sixth year?
事实上 是幸运数字 七 Lucky number seven, actually.
-你主修什么 年轻人 -我学的很杂 -What are you studying, son? -I dabble in a bit of everything.
我想尝试所有学校能教给我的东西 I've tried to experience all that Coolidge has to offer.
我相信你对以后的事业一定有所打算吧 Surely you have a career in mind.
其实还没 Not really.
我还在寻求一个成就伟大事业的机会 I'm still looking for that dare-to-be-great situation.
或许你应该去寻求一个伟大的"工作"吧 Maybe you should start looking for that dare-to-be-employed situation.
学生会认为范是一个非常有魅力的学生 The student body finds Van so intriguing...
所以我的编辑就让我写一篇关于他的报导 that my editor has asked me to do an expos? On him...
是写给校刊的 for the school newspaper.
那一定很棒 Isn't that wonderful?
-一定会让校刊很抢手 -报导也一定会写的很好 -That will be quite the page-turner. -It'll be a very well-written article.
葛芠是一个很有天份的记者 Gwen is an extremely gifted journalist.
你和理查德同属一个兄弟会吗 Are you and Richard in the same fraternity?
喔 不是 Oh, no.
范没有成为 德耳塔·约塔·卡帕 兄弟会成员的天分 Van isn't exactly Delta Iota Kappa material.
(DIK = Dick = 诬蔑人格的话)
好家伙 理查德 你从没告诉我你是一王八蛋 Richard, you rascal, you never told me that you were a DIK.
也不是说一定要告诉我啦 Not that you had to.
我再去拿一瓶香槟酒 I'm gonna go get another bottle of champagne.
-理查德 来帮我开瓶好吗 -好 -Richard, will you help me open it? -Sure.
哇 Wow.
他要是在这里的话 地狱不就没人打理啦 If he's here, who's running Hell?
-你为什么叫他到我家 -证明我的观点 -What are you doing out there? -Proving a point.
你的朋友和我们合不来的 他是病毒 我是疫苗 Your friend doesn't fit in. He's a virus, and I'm the vaccine.
-想不到你会做这样的事 -突击测验 是非题 -I can't believe you're doing this. -Pop quiz. True or false.
你和那家伙最近一阵子走的很近 You and that GDI have been spending an inordinate amount of time together.
是 现在我给你一个多项选择题 True. Now here's a multiple choice question for you.
A 你是大浑蛋 B 你是今晚不准住我家的大浑蛋 You're A, an asshole; B, an asshole who isn't staying at my place tonight...
-或是C 两者皆是 -再说一次B是什么 -or C, all the above? -What's B again?
葛芠妮 我只是开玩笑 我道歉 Gwenny, I'm kidding. I apologize.
-葛芠妮 你要去哪儿 -去救范出来 -Gwenny, where are you going? -To go save Van.
天知道我父母和那些同类朋友会对他做些什么 God only knows what my parents and their stuck-up friends are doing to him.
好 太棒啦 Okay! All right!
你真是个天生的能手 皮医师 喂 你在看哪里呀 You're a natural, Dr. P. Hey, what are you looking at?
-亨克 换你了 快来 -好 -Henke, you're up. Come on. -All right.
(Sailer = 好友之间称对方是个做下贱事的贱人 非贬义)
放轻松 水手 Easy, sailor.
来吧 伟德 咱们一决胜负 All right, Wilder, let's dance.
今天是个去死的好日子 麦度格教授 It's a good day to die, McDoogle.
来吧 Oh, yes.
老天那 Jesus! Criminy!
你搞什么嘛 伟德 别以为我会忘记 What happened to you, Wilder? Don't think I don't remember.
你大一修我的经济学拿的是A You got an A in my freshman economics class.
你给我记住一件事 You remember one thing...
漠然只是一个手套 里面潜藏着邪恶 Apathy is the glove into which evil slips its hand.
我会记下来的 I'll write that down.
你最好记下来 你骗不了人的伟德 You do that. You're not fooling anybody!
你只不过自欺欺人罢了 You're only fooling yourself!
-你下去走走吧 -我想我就在这儿下车啦 -Why don't you walk? -I think I'll walk from here.
你在跟踪我吗 要真是的话那就太棒了 Are you stalking me? Because that would be super.
我妈要我来邀请你去下个礼拜的 厨房保鲜用品派对 My mom did want me to invite you to her Tupperware party next week.
你这是 Was that a...
法官的判决 Judges' ruling.
喔 真的咧 你一定是开玩笑的 Uh-huh. Yeah. I do believe that was a joke.
我是来向你道歉的 理查德不该那样 I want to apologize for what Richard did the other night.
那是一个不太成熟的举动 It was a really immature stunt.
嗯 我知道 Yeah, I know...
人偶尔都会做一些幼稚的事情 but sometimes guys can do some pretty childish things.
开始 Let us proceed.
-它准备好了吗 -嗯 它准备好了 -Is he ready? -Ah, yeah, he's ready.
来吧 It's go time.
真乖 Such a good boy.
哇 停一下 停 Oh, stop for a second. Stop.
好了 继续 Okay. Keep going.
神爱世人 For the love of God.
笑一个 朋友 Smile, buddy.
棒极了 Lovely.
摆的漂亮一点儿 先生们 It's all about presentation, gentlemen.
哇 我的妈呀 Well, I'll be damned!
可怜的家伙 可能需要细心的护理一下 Poor guy just needed a little TLC.
我去看看 大家 一切都交给我吧 I got it, guys. No problem whatsoever.
让咱们可怜的宝贝儿把他的眼"球"拿回去 Let the damn baby have his ball back.
谢谢你们 Thank you, brothers.
又不是装上就能看得到 还非要不可 It's not like he can see out of it anyway.
废柴 Loser.
干的好 姐妹们 Awesome work, sisters.
点心专送 Special delivery!
-中场休息 -搞什么呀 洁妮 -Time out. -What the fuck, Jeannie?
西格玛·西塔·套 姐妹会送来的 赶快享用吧 "From the sisters of Sigma Theta Tau." Dig in, guys.
刚出炉 还温的哩 Oh, they're still warm.
-奶油好香啊 -好吃极了 -So creamy. -They're awesome.
喔 奶油真香 Oh, they're so creamy.
上帝呀 这些太好吃了 God, these are excellent.
大伙儿 理查德 Guys? Richard?
我想我以前吃过同样口味的东西 Think I've had these before.
欧 我的老天 Oh, my God!
我喜欢这首歌 I love this song.
我知道 I know.
是巴利·怀特 It is the White Barry.
是给我的 Is that for me?
我一直想要擦在你身上 I long to rub you the right way.
你这个坏坏的小巴达兰达巴 You're such a bad little Badalandabad.
今晚随便你怎么搞 No harm, no foul.
-你没事吧 -从来没这么好过 我的小茉莉花 -Are you all right? -Never better, my jasmine flower.
感觉真舒服 That feels so good.
喔 我的老天 Oh, my God.
来呀 Take me.
我要你 I want you now.
现在就要 Now!
我靠 Shit!
别再挑逗我了 Don't tease me.
这是我一生中的最高潮 This is the culmination of my being.
宝贝儿 我的高潮要来了 快过来呀 Baby, I'm about to culminate. Now, get over here.
塔吉 我觉得火热火热的 Tajy, I'm so hot.
-我感觉要烧起来了 -我也是 宝贝儿 -I feel on fire. -Oh, yeah, me too, baby.
-烧起来了啦 -宝贝儿 我也受不了了 -Burning up. -Oh, yeah, baby, I'm burning up.
你真不是盖的 你让我感觉如此之 You are most amazing to make me feel so...
热 damn hot!
小塔吉的约会不知道怎么样了 I wonder how T-Bad's date's going.
香烛 按摩油 巴利·怀特 Scented candles, massage oils, Barry White.
这些光听就快受不了啦 Yeah, we can't be too far from climax, huh?
-为什么我老是失败 -你给了自己太多压力 -Why do I always fail? -You put too much pressure on yourself.
你不用担心我的财务问题 我自有办法 Don't worry about the money. I'll figure something out.
重要的是 More importantly...
当时机成熟时 when the time is right...
自然而然的 it'll happen.
事情就成了 You'll find the one.
我可以看看范·伟德的成绩单吗 I need to see the grade transcripts for Van Wilder, please.
那可不行 I don't think so.
学生成绩单是保密的 对不起 Student transcripts are confidential. Sorry.
各位 我们的游泳队需要您的关爱 Swim team really does need your love, folks.
如果米提·明尔顿能把他自己塞进 And if Milty Mingleton can shove himself...
那样一件超小的比基尼里 into that weenie bikini...
你们要乐捐的话就更不用害羞啦 then you don't need to be shy about making your donations now!
谢谢你 米提 Thank you, Milty!
等我们把水都放回游泳池之后 After we put all the water back in the pool...
就开始接受捐款 任何形式 we'll be accepting donations in the form of...
现金 信用卡 或是到前面来脱个精光 cash, Visa and full-frontal nudity.
哈奇 这里交给你了 Hutch, take over.
拜托 各位 救救我们的游泳队吧 That's right, folks. Save the swim team.
比基尼美眉做评审来募款 你真是个天才 Bikini-clad judges for a fund-raiser? That's pretty ingenious.
性感才有卖点 葛芠 性感才有卖点 Sex sells, Gwen. Sex sells.
如果要参加蛙泳比赛现在还为时不晚 It's not too late for you to enter the doubles breaststroke if you like.
不了 谢谢 我没带泳装 No, thanks. I forgot my suit.
我刚听说了一些很"有趣"的消息 I just came across a bit of interesting information.
好吧 听我说 All right, look.
兽医告诉我 狗狗的精液是很健康的 The vet assured me that canine semen is perfectly healthy.
事实上 非常的营养 In fact, surprisingly rich...
你在过去的六个学期里都是只差18个学分就能毕业 You've been 18 units shy of graduating for the past 6 semesters.
你偷看了我的成绩单 Whoa. You went klepto on my transcripts.
你到底怎么回事呀 What's going on with you?
你是故意不想毕业 You're actively trying not to get out of here.
为什么要这么做 你不要每次都这么究根问底 Why are you doing this? Do you ever stop playing the in-depth reporter?
我只想知道你为什么不把自己的人生当回事 I just want to know why you're putting off your life.
不是为了校刊 是我想知道 Not for the paper. For me.
我不予置评 I have no comment...
对你 对校刊 我都不予置评 for either of you.
外部枕骨节凸起 External occipital protuberance.
臀部后线 Posterior gluteal line.
背部的凸出物 葛芠 Dorsal appendage. Gwen.
-最后那个对不对 -嗯 对 -Was the last one right? -Yeah, that's right.
错 背鳍只有海洋哺乳动物才有 Wrong! The dorsal appendage exists only in marine-equipped mammalia.
我知道你没有专心听 I knew you weren't listening.
-你是怎么啦 -没什么 我很好 -What's wrong with you? -Nothing. I'm fine.
我们出去走走 喝杯啤酒什么的 Let's get out of here, go grab a beer.
你疯啦 你知道我大考前的惯例 Are you insane? You know my midterm and finals ritual.
晚上读到十一点 再睡整整九个小时 I study till 11:00. Nine solid hours of sleep.
早上一杯蛋白质丰富的饮料 好了 很可爱 Protein shake in the morning. Okay, very cute.
也答对了 And also correct.
我们现在只剩2个小时又53分钟的读书时间 Which gives us 2 hours and 53 minutes of study time.
对不起 亲爱的 专心 好吗 So, honey, please focus. All righty?
我已经确认过了 非裔美籍学生会 I have confirmations from the African-American Club...
男同性恋社 女同性恋社 梅卡 何帕 佩塔兄弟和姐妹会 the Gay and Lesbian Caucus, MECCA, HEPA, PETA.
这次多个社团联合派对 是一个伟大的计划 This multi-coalition party was a masterful plan.
我们的收入会增加三倍 我希望够了 It should triple our income. I just hope it's enough.
范 你必须听我说 Van, you must listen to me.
再办一次派对我们就可以达成目标了 We are merely one party away from accomplishing our goal.
如果她说的是对的 What if she's right, huh?
我不想毕业是因为我害怕 What if I'm avoiding graduation because I'm scared?
用心想想吧 木头脑袋 Listen to yourself, meathead.
你从没怀疑过自己的人生 You've never doubted yourself in your whole life.
你现在都被她迷住了 老兄 这可不好 This girl's got you thinking, man. It's not good.
-一点都不好 -喂 你 -Not good at all. -Hey, you!
请把标语再抬高一点 Please move banner a skosh higher, huh?
你都知道要怎么做了 我要去 You got all this. I'm gonna go...
打个电话 商量一下关于派对的事 I'm gonna go make some calls for the party, okay?
-嗨 范 -嗨 唐娜 -Hi, Van. -Hi, Donna.
嗨 你们好 Hey, guys.
-你在这里干嘛 -我要和你谈谈 -What are you doing in here? -I had to talk to you.
关于你说的 我想了很久 I thought a lot about what you said, and...
嗯 只是 Well, just...
你瞧这个 just take a look at this.
对呀 课堂笔记 Yeah. Doodles.
我今天去上课了 而且全程上完 I attended class today. Just about stayed the whole time too.
我很高兴你今天去上课了 I'm glad you went to all your classes today.
还不小心进错了几间教室 And a few that weren't mine. Stepped into the wrong one.
不过遵从某人的教导 我依然坚持到了课堂结束 Liked what I heard, stayed.
那很好 的确很好 That's great. It really is.
但是不要为我而做 It really is. But don't do it for me.
是为你自己 Do it for you.
或许是为我们俩个 Maybe I'm doing it for both of us.
我其实不该用这种口气和你说话 I shouldn't even be talking to you like this.
而我本来就不该进女生更衣室 And I shouldn't be in the women's locker room!
但是有时候你应该让你的心指引你前进 But sometimes you gotta let your heart lead you...
即使你知道将被带去不该去的地方 even if you know it's someplace you know you're not supposed to be.
那你的心曾经多少次指引你到女生更衣室来 How often does your heart lead you into the women's locker room?
-这是第一次 -为什么我觉得难以置信 -This would be a first. -Why do I find that hard to believe?
我不是说 我从没进来过 I'm not saying I've never been in here before.
我的意思是 以前是身体的"其它部位"带领我进来的 I'm saying it's usually a different part of my anatomy that does the leading.
哇 我的老天 Oh, my God.
真是难以置信 葛芠和范居然一起在女生更衣室里 I just couldn't believe it. Gwen and Van in the women's locker room.
我是说 我真的无法相信 不管怎么说 让我告诉你一些事 I mean, I just couldn't believe it. So anyway, let me tell you something.
对不起 各位 糕点店已经打烊了 I'm sorry, fellas. The bakery's closed.
-我是来看看你能为我提供些什么服务 -让我先猜猜看 -I'm here to enlist your services. -Let me guess.
要我帮你们这群拿精液漱口 又滥醉如泥的家伙开派对 "Come as your favorite drunk-on-jis, come-gargling frat boy party"?
那样的话你妈也可以来 Then your mom can come.
我们要举行一个单身汉告别派对 It's gonna be a bachelor party.
我要和兄弟们再最后放纵一个晚上 One last night of debauchery with the fellas...
我马上就要和我的未婚妻 葛芠 定婚了 before settling down with my fiance, Gwen.
拜托 你该不会认为她对你这个笨蛋有兴趣吧 Oh, please, you didn't think she'd be interested in a fuckup like you?
这些钱够了吧 That ought to be enough to get you started.
你好 Hello?
凯西 我只是在这里用葛芠的电脑 Casey. I'm just using Gwen's computer.
葛芠在吗 我想和她说话 Is Gwen there? I need to talk to her.
她正在理查德家筹备订婚的事 要留话吗 She's at Richard's getting ready for the engagement dinner tonight. Message?
不用 没关系 Nope. That's all right.
再见 谢谢惠顾 Bye. Thanks for coming.
琳西和罗柏真是天生的一对 你说是吧 Lindsey and Rob make such a great couple, don't you think?
对呀 我真替他们高兴 Yeah, I'm happy for them.
他们一定会很幸福的 知道为什么吗 They're gonna make a great married couple too. You know why?
因为他们彼此相爱 Because they love each other?
错 是因为他们门当户对 Because they're compatible.
就像一个需要换心的病人找到一个血型相同的捐赠者 Like a heart transplant patient finding a donor with the same blood type...
连染色体的缺陷都相同 and just the right chromosomal anomalies.
完完全全的吻合 可以永远的连接在一起 A perfect match, connected forever.
但是这样的话 他们其中一个不就得先死掉 But that would mean one of them would have to be dead.
葛芠妮 我只是比喻他们俩个非常相配 Gwenny, I'm just saying that they're a match.
就像你和我 Just like you and me.
我的幸运女神 Lucky girl.
葛芠德琳·依丽莎白·皮尔森 Gwendolyn Elizabeth Pearson...
这是我莫大的荣幸 如果你和我的肉体与灵魂 I'd be honored if you and I surgically and spiritually...
能将我们的生命紧紧地绑在一起 grafted our lives together.
理查德 我实在不知该说些什么好 Richard, I don't know what to say.
只要说我愿意 因为我还有更好的消息 Just say yes, because I've got even more amazing news.
西北大学今早打电话说要找我面试 Northwestern called this morning. They wanna interview me.
他们要派招生人员到我们学校 对我进行笔试和口试 They're gonna send some recruit alums to campus for written and oral exams.
然后我就成啦 And then I am in!
哇 老天 西北大学医学院呀 Oh, man, Northwestern.
棒极了 我真替你高兴 理查德 That's great. I'm so happy for you, Richard.
为我们俩个人高兴吧 理查德和葛芠共度一生的计划就要开始了 Be happy for both of us. The Richard and Gwen life plan is kicking in.
西北 我真他妈的厉害 Northwestern. I am the shit.
你爸还说要在果园森林餐厅请客 作为我们订婚的礼物 Your father wants to get us a place in Forest Grove as an engagement present.
-我爸妈知道这件事 -当然 我已经通知所有人了 -My parents know about this? -Yeah, I told everyone.
你要去哪儿 Where are you going?
我也不确定 但不知为什么 I'm not sure, and for some reason...
我很庆幸自己还没作决定 I feel really good about that.
我无法活下去了 I can't hold on.
我走不出阴霾 There's no easy way.
喂 范 我能借你的 Hey, Van, can I borrow...
我的天 你怎么了 My God, what happened to you?
-我被大卡车撞了 -你没事吧 -I got hit by a big truck. -Are you okay?
我失恋了 I'm all out of love
没有你 我的人生失去了方向 I'm so lost without you
我知道 你就是我要找的 I know you were right.
长久以来我深信不疑 Believing for so long.
磕药歌 这歌叫什么名字 Dope song. What's it called?
葛芠为她的报导利用了我 然后却嫁给了那个大混球 "Gwen Used Me For Her Story, Then Married an Ass Wipe...
用她的大卡车毫不悯惜的碾过我受伤的心灵 and Ran Over My Heart With a Big Metaphorical Truck."
是由"空中补给"乐团首次演唱的 Originally performed by Air Supply.
空中补给是谁 Who's Air Supply?
你多大了 莎莉 How old are you, Sally?
我大的足够懂得去嫉妒那个叫葛芠的女孩 I'm old enough to be jealous of that Gwen girl.
相信自己 你能做到 Okay, you can do this.
我失恋了 I'm all out of love
没有你 我人生失去了方向 I'm so lost without you
我知道你是对的 一直那么坚持 I know you were right believing for so long.
你一定是就葛芠 那个卡车司机 You must be Gwen... the truck driver.
嘿 葛芠 Hey. Gwen!
喂 等一下 你来这里干嘛 Hey, hold up a second. What are you doing here?
我来干嘛 你怎么不说说你在干嘛 What am I doing here? What were you doing in there?
尽管我的感情受到重创 但起码我还知道那是我自己的房间 As smashed as I am, I'm pretty sure that's my room,
难道不是 wasn't it?
那女孩儿是谁 大一新生吗 What was that girl, a freshman?
她的理解能力可是有大二水准 She reads at a sophomore level.
这是个天大的错误 范 我要走了 This was a big mistake, Van. I'm leaving.
你到底为什么而来 要我为你举办你的单身告别派对 Why are you here? Did you come to hire me to do your bachelorette party?
因为你要找的派对皮条客已经被你的未婚夫提前预订了 'Cause your party pimp has already been booked by your fianc?
-我的未婚夫 你在说什么呀 -你们俩什么时候订婚 -My fianc? What are you talking about? -When are you two tying the knot?
因为说真的 我很希望日子还没敲定 Seriously, I'd really like to hold that date open.
这不关你的事 另外你知道吗 That is none of your business. And you know what?
你在我心里什么都不是 You're none of mine.
是不是你屁股上那痒疹开始让你心烦意乱了 Sounds to me like your rectal itch was getting a late-night booty scratch.
首先 那个贱女人拒绝了我的求婚 First, my bitch turns down my proposal.
然后 她又投入那个窝囊废的怀抱 Then she runs into that loser's arms.
现在我都不知道那个贱女人在哪儿 Now I don't even know where my bitch is.
伟德今晚有开大型派对 或许你能在那里找到你的贱女人 Wilder's got some big blowout tonight. Maybe your bitch is gonna be there.
不准你那样叫她 你个大鸡巴 You do not call her that, gonad!
喂 伙计们 我是来通知大家一下 Hey, guys. Just giving you all the 411.
我现在是美国"未来领袖团"的辅导员 I'm a counselor for the Further Leaders of America's overnighter.
巴士还有几个小时才开 在我走之前 能帮你们做些什么吗 The bus doesn't leave for a few hours. Is there anything I can do before I go?
任何事都行 Anything at all?
好 大家听清楚了 出发之前我带大家去一个地方 Okay, listen up. We've got one quick stop off before we go.
看到奶奶喽 Tit wad!
谢谢 尽情的玩吧 All right, thank you, man. Enjoy yourself.
好 小美眉 要玩得尽兴啊 All right, sister. Enjoy yourself. Power to the people.
-近来好吗 老兄 -你好呀 -How you doing, my man? -What's up?
我实在不愿挑明说 但是 明 你可不像个亚洲人 I hate to break this to you, Ming, but you ain't Asian.
我说老虎伍兹你总听说过吧 傻屄 Man, you ever heard of Tiger Woods, bitch?
你他妈的最好赶快滚 不然我用三号球杆拍死你 You better get out of here before I hit you upside the head with a three iron.
尽情的玩喔 What's wrong with you? Enjoy yourself.
-怎么啦 老兄 -没事 我没什么兴趣玩儿 -What's wrong, dog? -Nothing. I don't feel like partying.
这可是头一次听说 That's a first.
嗨 范 我只是路过 顺便伸出友谊之手 Hey, Van. I just wanted to come by and extend an olive branch.
-身份证 谢谢 -那个 照片拍得实在不怎么样 但是 -ID, please. -It's a terrible picture of me, but...
噢 我来决定拍得 Well, I'll be the judge of...
你的身份证没有任何问题 There's nothing fake about this ID.
你是上上学期坐我后面的那个美眉吗 Did you sit behind me two semesters ago?
(Behind = Ass = 臀部)
我想我记得这个小翘臀 我是说 你的座位在我后面 I think I remember this behind. I mean, you sitting behind me.
我们俩个的针锋相对实在有点儿孩子气 This whole rivalry thing has become a tad childish.
我希望过去的事能一笔勾消 Well, I hope we can put it all behind us and be friends.
这也是葛芠希望的 That's what Gwen wants.
你根本不知道葛芠希望什么 You have absolutely no idea what Gwen wants.
替我向你的小宝贝问好 Say hi to your gerbil for me.
听着 小伙子们 Okay, kids.
这是我们的耶格叔叔 This is our Uncle Jager.
对啦 就这样 干了它 That's right. Drink up.
这什么狗屁玩意儿 你有威士忌吗 This tastes like shit. Do you have any scotch?
不好意思 得走了 再见 Gotta go. Sorry. Bye.
再见 电话联系喔 Bye-bye. Call me.
先生们 Gentlemen.
是的警察先生 Trooper.
我们接到匿名举报说 你们这里纵容未成年人饮酒 We got an anonymous tip that there's some underage drinking going on here.
哈奇 Hutch?
怎么可能呢 老兄 我整个晚上都守在门口 Hell no, man. I've been at the door all night.
有这句话就够了 祝你们玩的愉快 Good enough for me. Have fun, guys.
谢谢 警察先生 放心没事 All right, Trapper. Stay cool.
-我爱你 哥们儿 -不 哥们儿 -I love you, man. -No, man.
是我爱你才对 I love you.
这些马戏团的侏儒真没用 一喝就醉了 Those circus midgets cannot hold their booze!
别担心 范 我们会想办法救你出来的 Don't worry, Van. We'll get you out, man.
德耳塔·约塔·卡帕 兄弟会万岁 Delta Iota Kappa rules!
可恶 葛芠 接电话呀 我知道你在家 Damn it, Gwen, pick it up. I know you're there.
你知道下礼拜我就要参加西北大学的面试了 You know I have my Northwestern interview next week.
那个 我需要你帮我"释放"一些 Look, I need you to help me "release"...
压力 我意思是帮我"轻松"一下 some pressure. You know, help me "relax."
说白了 我是指性交 Just so we're clear, I'm talking about intercourse.
我知道你跟范之间有点儿什么 I know you had a fling with Wilder.
不过没关系啦 你只要把他在留你体内的"东西"排出来就行了 And it's okay. You just had to get it out of your system.
我只是希望你有采用保护措施 I just hope you used some protection.
因为我不希望妈咪在大学时代的一夜之情 And I wouldn't want our future children to be tainted...
使我们将来的孩子受到污染 because Mommy went slumming one night back in college.
你为什么不自己去想办法"释放"一些压力 Why don't you go "release" your own pressure?
欧 说白了 我是让你自己操自己 And just so we're clear, I'm telling you to go fuck yourself!
嗨 狼狈为奸的好伙伴 今天我能为你做些什么吗 Hi, partner in crime. Is there anything I can do for you today?
噢 尼玛啊 Oh, my God!
咱们真是合作无间 We make such the fab team!
昨晚咱俩就像邦妮和克莱德那对雌雄大盗 现在更是 Last night, I was so like Bonnie and you were so like Clyde. And now this.
闭嘴好吗 我只是让你爽一下 Would you shut up? I'm trying to pleasure you.
对不起 理查德 请便 Sorry, Richard. Pleasure away.
补充一句 这个房间棒极了 PS, this is an awesome room.
补充一句 他妈的给我闭嘴 PS, shut the fuck up!
拿去 我的任务完成了 你要的东西都在这里 Here, I'm done with all of this.
-范·伟德的故事还没完 -发表评论前先看一遍好么 -The Wilder story's not done. -Read it before you criticize.
他今天被退学了 你有把这件事写进你的报导吗 He got expelled today. Is that in your story?
这种大事件可不能漏掉 'Cause it should be.
-范在吗 -他不想见你 -Is Van here? -He don't wanna see you.
-什么 -听着 -Excuse me? -Look.
-你难道不能放过他吗 -偷人的骚货 -Why don't you just leave him alone? -Home wrecker.
喔 谢谢 谢谢 Oh, thank you! Thank you!
让路 Out of my way!
别打包了 你可以上诉 校规全书里面说的 Stop packing! You can appeal the expulsion. It's in the school charter.
任和学生都可以向学校纪委会上诉 "Any student may appeal an expulsion before the university judicial board...
只要在被退学的48小时内就可以 and state his or her case within 48 hours of being discharged."
你要我的按摩浴缸吗 还是我去送给米提 Do you want my hot tub, or should I just give it to Milty?
我们可以请法律社来帮忙 We can get the law club to help.
上次帮他们办了"要告我先操我"的派对 他们对你感激万分 They owe you after the "Sue Me, Screw Me" soiree you threw.
谢谢你 真的 我实在没有兴趣上诉 Thank you. I appreciate it. I'm really not interested.
-你大概还没听清楚吧 -一切都结束了 塔吉 -You're not hearing me... -It's over, Taj!
操死你 范·伟德 Fuck you, Van Wilder!
你没听错 我是说 我是说 You heard me. I say... I say...
操死你 你 你 你 fuck you, you-you-you...
你 你 you... you...
你个搞鸡奸的胆小鬼 you pussy ass motherfucker!
你 你个吹箫的烂货 You... You dicksucker!
别装了 塔吉 Don't sugar coat it, Taj.
如果你是我 七年了 你会觉得怎样 Tell me how you really feel. Seven years.
七年了 我一事无成 Seven years! I've accomplished nothing!
还有什么理由继续呆下去 There's no reason to stay here anymore!
是 是 你在这里交了那么多 Sure, sure. You've made tons of friends...
愿意为你出生入死的朋友 这对你来说不算什么吗 who in the drop of a rupee do anything for you, and that doesn't mean much?
除了你谁还管那个病鬼的死活 还有那些你资助过的慈善机构 Who cares about Sick Boy and the charities you've helped...
还有那些体育社团 难道这些都不算什么吗 and all of our athletics... those are all so minuscule?
由此看来 你对我许下的承诺 And I guess so is a promise...
帮那个乳臭未干的印度小伙 找到一对儿美女的酥胸 made to a wet-behind-the-ears kid from India whose only dream...
帮他脱离处男身 美梦成真 这些都是假的 was to bury his face in a beautiful woman's lotus patch.
当年在家的时候 我只会躲在爸爸的衣柜里手淫 You have shown me a life I could only dream about...
而你却为我展示了我以前只能梦想的人生 back home while masturbating in my father's woodshed.
最重要的是 你看到了潜力 Most importantly, you saw potential...
我的潜力 in me.
如果你看不到自己的潜力 那你就真是个瞎子 If you do not see potential in yourself, then you are a blind man.
我还是得走 I'm leaving.
那就走吧 但是要走的光荣 Then leave. But leave the honorable way.
你不是一直在寻找一个功成名就的机会吗 You've been looking for that dare-to-be-great situation.
就在你的门口 It is at your doorstep.
我们必须谈谈 We need to talk.
带我去法律社 Get me the law club.
真是可笑 荒谬至极 It's ridiculous! It's preposterous!
无理取闹 我对天发誓 这只是一时冲动 It's ludicrous! By God, it's impetuous!
-那就是说 你愿意帮我们喽 -没错 -So does that mean you gonna help us? -Oh, it's on.
让范留下来 让范留下来 Let Van stay! Let Van stay!
现在开庭 伟德先生 We are now in session. Mr. Wilder.
你违反了库立吉校规里第二章 第B节的规定 You were found in violation of Article 2, Section B of Coolidge's bylaws...
引诱未成年人饮酒 soliciting of alcohol to extreme minors...
应当受到退学处分 which is grounds for immediate expulsion.
既然你决定上诉 You have opted to appeal.
现在就请站出来为自己辩护 The floor is yours.
女士们先生们 Ladies and gentlemen...
你们都知道 as you know...
我在这个学校呆了七年 我已经 I've been a student here for seven years, and I've...
让范留下来 Let Van stay! Let Van stay!
肃静 肃静 大家肃静 Order! Order! Settle down, everyone.
-伟德先生 请继续 -我没事 -Continue, Mr. Wilder. -I'm okay.
我在学校学到了很多东西 I've learned a lot here at Coolidge.
成绩可以说明一切 Let the record show that...
我以前修过的课 when I attended class...
成绩都不错 I did receive exemplary marks.
但是 直到我遇到了那个特殊的人 However, it was only when I met a special someone...
我才真正了解到 我过去一直在 that I realized what I was doing...
逃避 hiding.
毕业就是人生真正的开始 我那时还没有做好准备 See, after this is real life, and I wasn't ready for that.
我也不太清楚为什么 I don't know why exactly.
但是我认定自己不会像父亲那样 I do know that I don't wanna end up like my father...
整日被工作左右 whose whole life revolves around work.
可我现在终于醒悟到 But I see that now.
我要勇敢的走出去 And I'm ready to move on.
好了 到此为止 废物 祝你好运 该吃中饭了吧 Well, that's that. Good luck, loser. Who's ready for lunch?
(Bagg = 讨人厌的人)
-"八哥"先生 请闭嘴好么 -他扯的这些跟 -Mr. Bagg, you will be quiet. -What's any of this got to do with...
违反校规 按规定退学有什么关系 that he's guilty of an infraction that deserves expulsion?
伟德先生 Mr. Wilder.
我承认我违反了校规 I can't argue against the infraction.
派对上发生的事 是我的责任 I was responsible for that party, so what happened was my fault.
我现在在这里 诚挚的请求庭上 I'm here to lay myself at the mercy of this court...
能给我另一种形式的逞罚 and suggest an alternative punishment.
让我毕业 Make me graduate.
如果你们有看过我成绩单的话 If you'll kindly take a look at my transcripts...
我只差十八个学分就能毕业了 you'll see I'm 18 units from graduating with a leisure studies degree.
我现在郑重的请求在座的全体委员 请让我留校查看 I am pleading to this committee, reinstate me.
让我以旁听生的身份上完最后六堂课 并参加期末考试 Let me audit my last six classes, take the finals...
这样我就可以拿个学位毕业 and leave Coolidge with a degree.
上帝呀 在校的将近十年 God, I've bled...
我哭过 笑过 爱过 痛过 crimson and blue for nearly a decade.
这个学校赋予我这么多 请让我以毕业生的身份走出校园 This school has given me so much. Let me repay Coolidge...
以此作为回报 by parting ways as a graduate.
伟德先生还需要修哪几门课才可以毕业 What are the courses Mr. Wilder needs in order to graduate?
生物学 英国文学 微积分 经济学 Biology, English Lit, Calculus, Economics...
-社会学和政治学 -哇 -Sociology and Political Science. -Wow.
-喔 课业很重啊 -范的能力毋容置疑哦 -That's quite a load. -Well, Van can handle quite a load.
如果我们坚持逼他退学 可能会引发校园暴动 If we expel him, there could be some sort of a coup d'etat.
他犯了校规就应该承受后果 He broke a rule. He should pay the consequences.
我们投票表决吧 Well, let's take a vote.
我们有五个人 听从多数人的意见 There's five of us here. Majority rules.
我投留校查看 I vote reinstatement.
-巴格先生 -退学 -Mr. Bagg? -Expulsion.
黑芙儿小姐 Miss Haver?
留校查看 Reinstatement...
一遍 又一遍 over and over.
你呢 席依女士 Okay. Mrs. Seay?
退学 Expulsion.
麦克杜格教授 Professor McDoogle?
这一天 我已经等了很久了 You know, I've waited a long, long time for this day to come.
不管怎么决定 Either way...
范·伟德都将离开这个学校 Van Wilder's tenure here at Coolidge is over.
让我们瞧瞧这小子能干出什么名堂来 Let's see what the kid's made of.
他能留下来了 他能留下来了 He's in! He's in!
-喂 珍妮 -听着 -Hey, Jeannie. -Look.
我只是想让你知道我跟理查德发生的那些事儿 I just wanted to explain about the whole, you know, Richard thing.
我和理查德之间无形的牵引力终于在一个美丽的夜晚 Me and Richard's unspoken bond blossomed the other night in one beautiful...
开花结果了 symbiotic act.
-怎么个开花结果法 -把范的派对搞砸 -What sort of act? -Messing up that Van Wilder party.
然后我们两个就疯狂的做爱 And then we bumped uglies.
那是我一生中最美好的十秒钟 It was the best ten seconds ever.
一生之中 Ever.
面试只是一种形式 Yes, these interviews are somewhat of a formality...
但是我认为 我们这些格调高雅的人 but I think it's crucial
还是应该先互相认识一下 we like-minded people get to know one another.
-我早知道你一定会清醒过来的 -你好哇 理查德 -I knew you'd come to your senses. -Hello, Richard.
听着 我知道我们之间的关系有很多裂缝要补 Look. I know we have a lot of surgery to perform on our relationship.
但是现在 我正在为我们一生中最重要的时刻做准备 But right now I am prepping for the biggest moment of our lives.
我先有一个笔试 然后再参加五个面试官主持的面试 I have a written exam first, and then an interview with five Northwestern alums.
全是职业医师 All doctors.
这就是为什么我要来 给你做杯奶昔鼓鼓劲儿 That's why I came... to help make you your shake.
-简直太棒了 葛芠妮 -我们楼下见 -That'd be terrific, Gwenny. -I'll see you downstairs.
不过得快点儿 面试半小时后就开始了 But hurry. Interview's in a half hour,
地点在学校另外一边呢 other side of campus.
抱歉 Sorry about that.
西北大学 我就是他们梦寐以求的 Northwestern. I am the shit.
你一定是 You certainly will be.
葛芠妮 谢谢你 Gwenny, thank you.
祝你好运 亲爱的 这是你应得的 Good luck, honey. You deserve it.
我当然应得 I certainly do.
胞核嘧啶 Cytosine.
哥们儿 一定要集中注意力 Nothin' but net, my man.
另外别忘了 考试开始前一定要撒光拉光 Now remember, before any final, take a pregame dump.
谢谢你能来 你干得很不错 Thanks for coming in. You did a great job, really.
理查德 说曹操曹操到 Richard! I was just talking about you.
嗨 给你个惊喜 我是你的口试官之一 Hey, surprise. I'm on your oral exam board.
快进来 和你未来的校友们见见面 Look, come in here. I want you to meet your future alumni.
-我得走了 -别 快点啦 这可是个绝佳的时机 -I gotta go... -No, come on. It's a great time.
大家瞧 这就是理查德 Look, it's Richard.
20分钟就交卷了 这小子潜力无限 Finished his written exam in only 20 minutes. This kid is a dynamo.
理查德 我来给你介绍史坦医师 Richard, I want you to meet Dr. Stern.
范恩医师 Dr. Fine.
很高兴认识你 巴格先生 我听说了很多关于你的事 It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Bagg. I've heard a lot about you.
-布朗医师 -这只是走个形式 -Dr. Brown. -This is something of a formality.
所以不用紧张 We just want to get to know you better.
还有史默尼克医师 And Dr. Smelnick.
理查德 你有没有什么想说的 Richard, is there something you want to say?
你看起来好像憋着什么 You look like you want to get something out, son.
哇 我的老天 Oh, my God!
-恶心呀 -哇 火烧屁股啦 -Vile. -Oh, it burns!
我他妈完了 I'm bleeding!
上帝呀 可怜的家伙 Dear God, that's wretched.
让我的初次再多保留一天 Oh, I kept the first for another day.
你们要明白 一条路会通向另一条路 Yet knowing how way leads on to way...
我沉思着 我是否应该还会再回来 I doubted if I should ever come back.
我现在想要你们告诉我 罗柏·福斯特在这首诗里要表达什么 I want you to tell me what Robert Frost was trying to express here.
我还需要至少一沓答卷纸 I'm gonna need at least one more booklet.
-怎么了 -从另一则消息得知 -What? -In other school news...
我们已经掌握了伟德的最新动向 we have an update on the "Wilder Watch."
今天 范成功的通过了严格的考验 The rigorous day has been a success for Van the man.
五科期末考试 现在只剩下麦克杜格教授的高级经济学 Five finals in the can with Professor McDoogle's advanced econ final to go.
范 范 快醒醒 快醒醒 快醒醒 Van! Van, wake up, wake up, wake up.
-还有七分钟就开考啦 -我知道了 -Your final's in exactly seven minutes! -All right.
各位同学 学以致用的时候到了 It's the moment of truth, people.
你能在百忙之中抽空出席 真是我莫大的荣幸 I'm so glad you could fit us into your schedule this morning.
无论如何我都不会错过的 教授 Wouldn't miss it for the world, sir.
好的 All right.
把考卷传下去 谢谢 Pass these out. Thank you.
时间快到了 It's getting to be that time of the hour.
时间到了 伟德先生 请把笔放下 And your time is up, Mr. Wilder. Pencils down.
-谢谢 -四年来 -Thank you. -For four years...
我努力的充实自己 就为了将来打好基础 I have been grooming myself for the real world.
和许多人一样 我对踏入真实世界的定义就是毕业 I, like many, define the real world as stuff that happens after graduation.
但是我错了 直到遇见一个叫范·伟德的人 我才猛然醒悟 But I was wrong. It took a man by the name of Van Wilder to teach me that.
你们一定有参加过他举办的舞会或派对 You've all undoubtedly been to one of Van's parties.
无论你有没有意识到 他或多或少都曾经影响过你 He's probably touched your life in some way, whether you know it or not.
看到范高空前翻跳进游泳池的时候 Watch Van do belly flops into a pool...
你们可曾看到他替游泳队的下一季筹到了五千元经费 but make sure you see he's raised $5,000 to give the swim team a next season.
你们都知道 范差一点就被退学 As you're all aware, Van was almost expelled.
但你们可能不知道 在那次事件中他是被人陷害的 What you probably don't know is that he was set up...
被一个令人讨厌 自以为是的花花公子 by a pathetic, egomaniacal frat boy...
记者本人也有第一手的资料能够表明 one who this reporter knows firsthand to have a serious problem...
此人有着阳萎早泄的毛病 with premature ejaculation.
另一方面 范·伟德为了应付这次严酷的考验 And in reaction to this lynching...
他在六天之内所做的努力 大概比大家一学期所做的还多 Van put in more effort in six days than most have all semester.
无论输赢 我们都应感谢他协助大家 认识到自己的能力所长 Win or lose, we should thank him for reminding us what we're all capable of.
他为我们所做的其实很简单 That's simply what he does...
就是激发了那些未曾被激发的人 he inspires the uninspired.
范 快呀 让我们彻夜狂欢 放纵情欲的时刻就要到了 Van. Hurry. The night of fun and fornication's upon us.
有葛芠的消息吗 Hey, have you heard from Gwen?
没 她还没有回电话 No, she... she hasn't yet called back.
知道了 我一会儿就去 行吗 Right. I'll be down in a minute, okay?
-好 -待会儿见 -Okay. -See ya, V.
我的天 这就是你的狗窝 Jesus. This is some pad you got here.
一堆老掉牙的古董 Decorated in early fuck.
听着 我是专程过来告诉你一件事的 Well, I made it a point to personally come down here, Wilder.
我要第一时间告诉你 你的考试成绩 I wanted to give you the results of your test firsthand.
就像我当初预想的那样 And just as I expected...
你成功了 you succeeded.
-91分 -真的 -Ninety-one percent. -What?
我替你感到骄傲 伟德 I'm proud of you, Wilder.
这些年来我一直都在等待你发挥真正的实力 I've been waiting all these years for you to realize your potential.
难道这就是你我不合的原因 That's why you and I had friction?
我还以为是因为我大一的时候玩弄你女儿的感情 I thought it was 'cause I fooled around with your daughter freshman year.
什么 你玩弄我女儿 Why? What... You fooled around with my daughter?
神马 What?
嗨 我认识你 Hey, I know you.
-非常感谢 -你是最棒的 范 -Thank you very much. -You're the best, Van.
离不开你的支持 应该感谢你才对 Hey, I couldn't have did it without you. Appreciate it.
麻烦请把里面装满冰块 塞的愈多愈好 I need you to fill this up with ice. Pack as much as you can inside.
-喔 对不起 -对不起 -Okay? Excuse me. I'm sorry. -I'm sorry.
你好 我叫 奥里萨·旁遮普·尼扎马巴德 My name is Orissa Punjab Nizamabad.
我刚从巴格朗转学到这里 I've just transferred here from Banglapur.
请问 你能不能告诉我 Excuse me. Can you tell me...
在哪儿能找到那个一天到晚扎在女人堆里的家伙 where I might find the raddest fucking dude alive?
在游泳池旁边 老家伙 Yeah, by the pool, Gramps.
嗨 我认识你 老弟 喔 我操 Hey, I know you, man! Oh, fuck.
恭喜你 范 我就知道你一定行 Congratulations, Van. I knew you had it in you.
爸 不敢相信你来这儿了 Dad! I can't believe you're here.
我也不敢相信你毕业了 I can't believe you graduated.
你的一个朋友 A friend of yours...
寄了这个给我 sent me this.
我为你感到骄傲 范 不论你是否能够毕业 I'm proud of you, Van, graduation or no graduation.
谢谢 真对不起这些年来 Thank you. And I'm sorry that I spent...
我花了你那么多钱 such a buttload of your money for so long.
你是我迄今为止最好的一项投资 It's by far the best investment I ever made.
(Laid = To Be Fucked = 被操)
-干的好 -让我们给他 戴上花环 -You did good. -Let's get this man "leid."
给你介绍我刚认识的女孩儿 Meet my new girl.
你看起来 真 You look so...
喔 Wow.
我也希望你会这么说 I was hoping you'd say that.
可以替你戴上么 May I?
只要戴完能抱你一下 As long as we cuddle afterwards.
我有很多话想要跟你说 那篇报导 There's so much that I need to say... the article...
我好担心你今晚不会来 I was scared that you wouldn't come.
我只是迟迟无法决定要穿哪条内裤来 Well, I was trying to decide what panties I should wear.
那你最后选了哪一条 Which ones did you choose?
一条也没选 None.
这将是一个单身派对 It's gonna be a bachelor party.
最后一个和兄弟们一起淫荡的夜晚 One last night of debauchery with the fellas.
都他妈不能 You can't even...
我靠 这个人真是 I mean, this girl is...
-我正想 -我来吧 -I was wondering... -I'll do it.
我正在酝酿 等一下 I'm getting my shit together. Just one second.
我不行了 I can't do this!
噢 尼玛啊 出生时我妈可没告诉我还要做这种事 Oh, man. My mama never told me I'd be doing this.
我想咀嚼 I want to chew the...
然后 我也不知道怎么 And then... I don't know how.
孩子 这就是白骑师里的吹箫妓女会对你做的 Kids, this is what white jockey blowing hookers will do to you.